The Reason.

It’s one those phrases that sends shivers down my back, you break up, you lose your job, someone gets sick, someone dies, and the person you empty your heart to, trying to say anything to make you feel better, tells you, “Things happen for a reason.

Really? They do? So when my father passed away, there was a reason? And when I fell as a child and screwed up my knee up forever, there is a reason for that as well? And each time I’ve had my heart broken, and each time I failed at something in life, all for a reason. F that.

So here I am now, happy, so happy that I’m finding it hard to be as cynical as I like to be. Even typing this, a bit hard to do. Did it all happen for a reason? Over one hundred bad dates, two failed long-term relationships, many failed brief relationships. Would I have jumped to grab a beer with someone before exchanging any emails? Just a a quick “Hey, we live in the same neighborhood, want to grab a beer?” If I hadn’t just ended another failed beginning with someone else, would I have said yes. And what if he canceled that day, or I canceled that day, would we have met another time?

Our connection is undeniable. In both how we feel and how many links we’ve discovered. On top of his best friend from childhood, and my best friend from childhood being brother and sister, we constantly figure out new connections. His sister and my friend from college dated in high school. Another friend of his is my friends intern at the high school he went to. His sister works with another friend of mine. When he was a kid his parents looked at buying the house across the street from the house I grew up in. He lives 8 blocks from me, frequents the bars I do, and still we never met until our first date.

He is what I thought I’d never have. I’ve seen other people find it, just thought maybe it wasn’t in the cards for me. When we’re together it’s impossible not to smile. He makes me feel like I am the most important women in the world. For the first time in my life, in a relationship, I feel like I am with someone who loves me for who I am. He is sweet, considerate, handsome, thoughtful, and funny. He brings out the best in me and makes me want to be the best person I can be, and I can see I do the same for him. I feel a sense of ease and calmness when he’s around, that is hard to explain, but is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced.

Things don’t happen for a reason, you give them a reason. I’m taking everything I have learned from all of my failed relationships and life mistakes and I’m being the best person I can be. More accepting, patient (probably the hardest), forgiving, understanding, selfless and loving. If I didn’t learn everything from failing in the past I wouldn’t be who I am today. And I wouldn’t be experiencing a love that I have never known before. I think that is a pretty good reason.

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1.5 Million People in Philly…I’ve Dated Them All!

With a population of 1.5 million people, you’d think your dating pool in Philly would be huge, but time after time I find myself dreading the temptation to take a peak at a new potential dates Facebook page and seeing if we have any mutual friends. I like to form my own opinion of someone new and sometimes having friends’ input is more hurtful than helpful. Just the other day a friend says she ran into someone she went to college with and she thinks we’d hit if off. She shows me his picture, I ask if he is divorced and his brother died a few years ago and she looked at me like I’m psychic. Went on a first date with him last year, I saw thru spying on Facebook they were friends just never asked her about him!

So come my first date with Chris, we looked at each other’s dating profile a few times, he sent me a message asking if I wanted to grab a drink, seemed halfway normal and we set a date. Within 5 minutes of chatting in person he mentioned where he was from and we quickly figured out our best friends are brother and sister. Not a best friend you recently met at work and developed a close friendship with, a best friend you grew up with and have known for most of your life. We quickly texted our mutual friends and the stories starting flowing. Nothing like have your best friends mom text you at 8am to see how your date went last night! To make the strange connection even stranger, we ran into a friend of mine on our second date, whom Chris had just met a few weeks ago at his friends place who lives down the hall from my friend. We also discovered this friend of his is interning under a different friend of mine.

Now, if you know me at all you know I don’t think “things happen for a reason,” so I won’t get sappy on you all…at least not yet! I will add, I shared the blog with him and he tried to make up for Mr.RI’s birthday mistakes and brought me flowers with a belated birthday message on our second date, won him some brownie points for sure!

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Big Bad Wolf

What’s worse, showing up for a date to realize your potential match is 50lbs heavier than his picture and newly bald, or showing up for a date and watching his nose pour like a faucet as he tells you about his allergies acting up. This is going to sound insensitive, but it’s been a few months since this date and I honestly don’t remember his name, so making up a fake name is easy, we’ll call him Three Wolves. Three Wolves also had on a t-shirt that resembles that not trendy wolves t-shirt that became trendy when someone started writing ironic¬†amazon.com reviews for it. The problem was, he wasn’t trying to be trendy, or ironic. To make a horrible situation as bad as it could get, my sister’s ex-boyfriend from years past, walked in and sat right behind me with his wife and child. I would have loved to say hi, but there was no way I was admitting to be there with Three Wolves. Instead, I sucked it up, watched his nose spill out, and politely told him I had to go feed my friends cat I was cat sitting.

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The end of Mr. RI

Has been awhile since a post, and a Mr.RI story. I just reread my last post about him and I think I need to quickly sum up the ending. My birthday was coming, I spent the night before my birthday at his house so I could wake up and have someone wish me a happy birthday. We awoke, he forgot my birthday, and it went downhill quickly. An awkward birthday dinner where I began to cry over our oysters, oh, did I mention no card, no flowers, no nothing, he actually was so broke that he let me split the bill.

I went away for a week, he did as well. When we got back I gave him a box of candy I had bought him and awaiting a gift from him. We slept together, he told me he had “just given me what he got me”, and I walked out. The End of Mr. RI.

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I’m the architect

The more I online date the more I constantly see people out and about that I recognize from somewhere and it usually takes a few minutes to realize I don’t actually “know” them, I know their online dating profile. One of this people is a neighbor a few doors down. Always a little strange to be surfing profiles, walk out your front door, and see someones face you just saw online. So strange, that we usually exchange a quick “what’s up” and keep on moving. It isn’t that I am interested romantically in this particular guy, more that he seems interesting and lives on my street. A friend on the street to grab beers with is always welcome. His screen name is something along the lines of “I_love_buildings” and it was easy to figure out he is an architect. So the strange I know your face hello’s have become awkward, and I’ve been waiting for my moment to introduce myself. Well my moment came this week, a new music venue opened up in a renovated old restaurant. I_love_buildings walked by, I had a few beers in me and decided to say hello:

A: Hey, I see you all the time and haven’t introduced myself, my name is A.

ILB: Ah, I always see you and say the same thing, I’m ILB nice to meet you.

A: So excited about the show?

ILB: Of course, great so far… you know, I’m the architect

A: I KNOW! (I’m think, nice of him to admit he’s seen me online)

ILB: You know? (completely puzzled)

A: Yeah, I know?!? (again, how could he not be getting this, he has looked at my profile multiple times!)

ILB: Of this building, I’m the archtiect, how do you know?

A: So… um… that arch is really nice… great work.

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Big Fish in a Little Pond

A few nights ago I got a text from an old friend from college, simply stated “I got dissed by big fish too! poof! gone!” WOW. I am still thinking WOW. She met him on the same site I did, thought he was great, things seemed to be going A OK and then poof! So much for the values he claims he lives by. I knew this blog would entertain my friends, I never imagined this. She just happened to be reading the blog and put together the details and realized she was dating the same person! We also even discovered we may have had dates with him on the same day! One lunch, one dinner! Funny thing is this friend had visited me during some of my world travels and I am fairly certain Big Fish and I looked at the pictures together. Now, I get that if you are doing online dating, and not sleeping around, sure, date whoever you’d like, and the chances of this happening though small and probable. BUT you’d think after being called out for disappearing once, Big Fish would have learned his lesson and changed his game.

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Subject: Looking4aBFF

Love the PS at the end!

First, I enjoyed reading your profile and wanted to say hi — Hi. Second, WOW, you are amazingly beautiful! ;-) . I really mean, HOLY COW, you are BEAUTIFUL !!!


I would love to grab some lunch with you, never let you go, and sweep you off your feet forever ;-) . I am not a player… hate games and don’t want to be part of them… I am looking for a serious relationship and a woman who wants and enjoys passion (and massages…)! MUST LOVE PASSION and AFFECTION ;-) . DONE with the “club” scene too. I am looking for my best bud, travel companion, and soulmate… ;-) and yes, I love holding hands. …

I simply cannot believe that I finally found you. I cannot let you go now or ever ;-)

I attached a pic to this match email; let me know if you get it ok :-)

Ps love your height

Posted in Online Dating, What not to write | 2 Comments

Subject: great profile!

Hi CMYK,

i love Your profile! You’re very attractive, and You seem really open-minded and well-rounded, too.

i’m a submissive male. That means i’m not here for traditional dating. Rather, i simply enjoy buying things for Women, doing cleaning and chores for Women, etc, with nothing expected in return.

my profile explains a bit more, i hope You like it! Please write back?

Humbly,
sub john

Posted in Online Dating, What not to write | 1 Comment

Subject: YOU AND ME LONGTERM

Hey Miss Yummie CMYK, I just wanted to say your pictures are breath-taking…I’m actually catching my breath as I type. ;) After checking out your profile, you seem like a person I would love to get to know… Hopefully I’m someone you wanna know…I know getting to know me is a big step in a great direction… Hope to hear from you soon !!!

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And I’m out

Hey The Escape Artist

Thanks for introducing me to the Pho restaurant in your hood, great dinner!

It has been fun sharing traveling stories and getting to know you a bit, but I’m just not sure there is enough of a romantic connection. I always think it is better to be upfront and honest about these things as soon as possible and this morning I was just thinking something felt off for me.

I hope you find what you are looking for, you are a great guy so I’m sure it won’t be that hard :)

Best,
CMYK

Hey CMYK,

This is not the email I was hoping for, but I appreciate your candor. Hope you find what you are looking for.

The Escape Artist

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